Ever got impatient at people?
Me too.
I used to often become impatient,
like very often.
I used to treat people like I treat myself.
And since I was so hard on myself..
You got the idea.
For the past 5 years,
since I arrived in Indonesia,
my patience got challenged to a whole new level.
New people, new culture,
And a million more occasions to feel frustrated and misunderstood.
I took it as a challenge.
My personal quest towards patience.
Turns out, being patient with others,
starts with being patient with yourself.
You get impatient,
impatience doesn’t happen to you.
In Indonesia, people communicate differently.
Not only the language, but the way they say things.
Always avoiding conflict,
Often apologizing for asking,
Rarely direct or conflictual.
You guessed it, they aren’t people you can get impatient with.
It won’t lead anywhere you want to get.
Also, Indonesians are always shy and easily ashamed if they do wrong.
So blaming and pointing out mistakes only lead them to run away.
As I write this, I realize, it’s also true in many other cultures…
Being impatient, blaming, etc. Rarely leads to a good place regardless of the culture.
I guess I just particularly noticed it here, in Indonesia.
And as I went on my quest towards patience, Indonesia became the best master,
always showing me bigger challenges.
If we could measure patience, I’d say I am 10x more patient today than I was when I arrived.
And I still have a very long way to go.
But I am aware now that my patience with others starts within myself.
So when I get frustrated at someone, it’s easier to apologize,
And ask myself, what was a better way for me to get to the outcome I wanted, without expressing frustration.
Because in the end, it comes down to this.
Does getting angry really leads you to the place you wanted to go?
If not, what can you trade this anger for?
So you can get where you want,
without damaging your relationship with others,
and without hurting anybody’s feelings (including your owns).
Often, the answer is empathy.