For the longest time, I thought love was about “finding the right one”.

When, once again, it didn’t work, people would tell me “you’re still young, you haven’t found the right one yet”.

It led me to think that nobody was the right one, and that I’d end up alone, period.

I used this to justify closing my heart, and being yet-another-useless-playboy.

If nobody was the right one anyway, why would I bother being so serious about it? Let’s just enjoy and have fun.

Today, I still don’t believe in the magical love story we’re being sold as a life goal in our society.

But I also missed a big point.

Love is not about finding the right one,
it’s about being the right one.

Because a love relationship starts with yourself, not with the other.

And if I am not enough for myself,
nobody will ever seem to be enough for me.

It’s easier to write than to apply, though.

There is no “trick” or “shortcut” to suddenly become alright with yourself. To accept and love yourself for who you actually are.

You don’t need a self love workshop in Ubud, a $2000 session with a life coach, or to attend seminars.

I don’t know how it works for others.

I know what worked for me.

Being real and accepting how fucked up I was.

Starting to do things for myself, to explore, discover, stretch my limits, follow my intuitions.

Being wrong more often, and loving it.

Doing stuff others thought were dumb, just because I felt like it.

I did it through traveling the World on a bicycle, living with nothing, emigrating to Indonesia, learning a 4th language, building businesses, failing 80% of them, investing, building my first house, living on a tiny island…

There is no blue print.

This worked for me, but I don’t know what will work for you.

All I know, is that if we don’t sincerely love ourselves, nobody else will be enough.

I admire people who have been in relationships for 5, 10, 15 years. I envy them.

But I also remember my parents divorced after 20+ years of marriage, when I was only 12.

I saw my dad being depressed for years.

I saw my mom drinking.

It led me to grow with a very broken vision of love, and family.

I only accepted this, and forgave them, a few years ago.

They did their best. As we all do.
And sometimes, it just sucks anyway.

It’s alright.

Marriage or not, we all need to stop chasing the ideal love, the right one.

We need to start being the right one, for ourselves first, then for others.

Because in the end of the day, you’re the one person you will spend the largest amount of your time with.