This is not a question I ask because I already know the answer and can give it to you. It’s a question I ask to myself because I need to find answers.
More specifically, I need to write about it so those answers become easier for me to apply.
I have been distracted, lately.
Not the usual “I’ve been watching Netflix instead of growing my business”, but something like “I’ve been fighting on to many fronts so I can’t win anything”.
So, yesterday I had this conversation with Ladiina, and I handled her the whole Hustlers Villa project.
We made a deal, in which she takes full responsibility for the project, gets commissions based on performance, and I am 100% out of the executive part of it.
I will focus on providing the vision, and guiding her when needed.
It was a hard decision because I love this villa, and I work from there anyway. But I can’t keep feeling guilty whenever I am not working on it, not creating content for it, or not doing anything I think I should probably be doing.
Ladiina has the ressources, the drive and the personality to lead this project, and I figured out it would be better to have her being 100% responsible of it, than only 90% and having me doing 10% of time-wasting micro-management.
It’s relieving.
More calm, inside.
This feeling of being in a noisy World is not new to me. I am an introvert, and I never really liked to have large group of friends, shallow talk or crowded places.
Being surrounded by a group of people is draining. It’s like if I could hear their inner voice leading their behaviour, and it makes me tired.
But what I love, is to have long and deep one-on-one conversations.
I can have those with almost anyone.
I did many useful things to silence the World, and a some of them work really well.
I don’t have notifications on my phone, neither do I have any vibration or sound coming from it. Most of the time, the screen is also in greyscale (except when I edit videos/photos).
Simplicity is luxury.
As I am writing this, I am sleep deprived.
I committed to wake up at 5AM every single morning, no matter what happens, so that I can enjoy quiet time, alone before the dawn (the most beautiful hour of the day).
I slept around 1AM, so I am running on 4h sleep today.
It’s usually a bad thing, because it affects my mood, my productivity, what I eat, etc.
However, there is 2 things I like about being sleep deprived.
First, it feels like it removes some “conscious filters” in my mind, and I have fewer limits in the way I think. I don’t really know how this works, but I am somehow more creative (yet I lack focus to actually execute on it).
Second, because it removes those filters, I also feel more sensitive to what actually is going wrong, without hiding it under layers of BS. My brain is more sensitive, and more “raw”, whatever that means.
And so that’s why I am more sensitive today to how noisy the World is. And when I say the World, I mean my World. I mean what’s around me. From the people to the thoughts that keep coming to my mind.
Agitated, it’s how it feels.
Like if someone was scratching my brain from the inside with some very small cotton buds .
It’s not painful, but it’s annoying and could drive crazy.
That’s why I right, because whatever I say here, the goal is to bring more clarity to myself, to know better how this feels, and what I should do.
And I feel more still, now.
Whatever happens, things are going exactly the way they should.
The World is still noisy, and I (we) need to preserve this stillness.
Besides the phone trick, I also do a few things that preserve me and my brain from the noise outside.
Here are a few of them:
- I don’t have a TV
- I don’t do “shopping”, I just buy what I need, when I need it
- I live in a village in the south of Ubud
- I don’t have a job
- My house is simple, and I don’t own much
- I spend time to write and read every morning
- I don’t drink alcohol, smoke or do drugs
Besides that, I’d still say that I have a social life that is richer than average, mostly because I have a dedicated day for socialising (Sunday) at the Hustlers Villa.
Combining moments of complete loneliness and moments of being surrounded with people I choose is actually a high form of luxury.
I often focus on what I should improve, always.
And I tend to forget what I already achieved so far that I should be happy about. And there’s a lot, so let me take a minute to just be happy about the level of stillness I already manage to achieve in my life.
… 1 minute later…
Everything,
is,
alright.
We can always improve something, and focus on the fact that we are not good enough.
From today, I want to also dedicate time to pause the movie, take a breath, and appreciate how the story beautifully unfolded so far.
In 60 years, you and I will probably already be dead.
Let’s just do cool shit before it happens.
And let’s not listen to the noise out there.
There is a voice inside,
and it’s often right.
Thomas